Ecuador

Well, i am back from Ecuador for the 5th time. Who would have guessed that? Not me. What did you want me to learn this time? Did you want me to have an "aha" moment or just some little things? So many questions.

I have a few thoughts. One this morning is, simply to be more giving and compassionate to my husband. I realize that I can't do that without some margin in my life and by not filling it up with giving to others. I need to have space to give to anyone. If i am in a hurry, it won't happen. He isn't feeling well, so i need to be more giving to him and not in my own little world. All this, saying, that i need to slow down.

I have also been reading and thinking. I need to be more gentle on myself and not so hurried to do 100 things. But to prioritize and be able to be more gentle but still having goals, etc. Por ejemplo. I said 5 years ago, that i wanted to be fluent in Spanish. Well, that didn't happen quite like i wanted, but......when i was in Ecuador last week, i was able to communicate about most things and i even translated a few times for others. That felt good. So by not beating myself up, i thanked God for the ability i did have for some spanish and that i felt comfortable using it, even if it was wrong. Now, i can rethink my spanish goals and make new choices to improve it.

God, how do you want me to improve it? Open up some opportunities for me to use it. I am planning on going to Tijuana as often as i can, but i need some places here too. Okay, i just emailed my friend using spanish. one step at a time. and i have Rosetta Stone. need to use my compass to have a satisifying week, living and choosing how i spend my time.

I feel that being home, is like a vacation. Being in Ecuador, has an element of "inner uncomfortableness." It might just be that i am away from home. But it could be that i am away from the comforts of home. Solitude, carpet, lots of hot water, my backyard, my stuff. But i have a feeling that living differently, and living and seeing people with unclean homes, dirt floors, tarp walls, humidity, scraping by, people that walk aimlessly (or so it seems), or seeing people live in a town of 3000, in the Amazon Jungle. I guess i think of what little there is to "do." I think that some might spend most of their waking hours, making money to survive, but the mindset of living simply and with out tons of options of what to do or go do, is a different mindset.

I guess that is an example of people who live simply, can be amazing followers of Christ, spend time with family, and don't feel a high need to accomplish Big things. God help me to create a balance in my life, where i can sit at your feet and be content, and be busy and goal oriented and be content. i want to be an Active Contempletive! those 2 things need to go hand in hand, praying while i am serving, and spending time in your Word.

I feel like I am at a plush hotel, with many amenities. So, this is why people want to live in and wanted to create the suburbs. To have a safer, quieter, more comfortable existence. Urban life in an of itself, for the few times, i have been there for a short amt of time, has an element of underlying stressors that are felt. Busyness, noise, lack of greenery (which actually helps in relaxation), lack of safety to walk sometimes, and not being able to talk to others. Remember, that all these are my perceptions, not always being right.

I have been getting up at 6am, each morning lately. Before I left, i wanted to redo my rhythms and getting up early was one of them. I am going to stay in this one. I love the early mornings. i feel more alive and i feel better going to bed early than staying up late. I love the time alone, getting some things done early. I didn't like sleeping in, going to the gym at 9 or 10 and starting the day at 12. Felt bad :) I pray Lord that you will use this morning time for me to spend time wisely.